I can’t believe it but.. we’re now officially in trimester 3. Time has been a-flying! The first 20 weeks of this pregnancy felt like an absolute eternity, but now that I’ve been a lot more comfortable, time has been zooming by alarmingly fast. Almost every Friday, I wake up and say to Daniel, “Can you believe it’s the weekend again? It feels like Sunday was yesterday..??” Life feels very full, what with the extra energy it takes to do absolutely everything. Time is of the essence.
I’m 28.5 weeks along now, and today in the elevator at work, a complete stranger asked me when I was due. Safe to say I’m past the point where politeness would stop you from asking, in case the belly was just a belly 😛 How am I feeling, you ask? You might well ask, since everyone has been. I’m feeling great! Eating well, sleeping well (minus getting up to pee 3-4 times a night), and doing my best to get my 10k steps in every day. I can’t do too much else than that, because I get very winded and my feet/ankles start to feel like swollen potatoes after sitting at my desk all day, but I do my best. Baby is slowly encroaching my lung space, and eating only makes that real estate smaller. After dinner I like to lie down in the fetal position for a bit to catch my breath.
This past month we moved apartments (success!), went to IKEA 4 times, and have been slowly unpacking and organizing. We’ve reduced the amount of debris in our living space to a manageable level, but we’re still working on it. Crazy how much stuff two people can accumulate in just a couple of years. Purging and downsizing feels so nice. Hopefully by the time junior comes we’ll have a teeny bit of space for him (ha ha). I’ve mentally committed to being a minimalist parent, because the thought of adding a ton of plastic toys and baby things to the pile of things to organize in our small space stresses. me. out. I keep telling myself, kids all over the world grow up without x, so my baby will be fiiiine. Just the basics – my mantra. I know nothing about parenting, so this might all go out the window once he gets here, but for now that’s what I’m sticking to.
Daniel and I also went to Portland in mid-March for our babymoon. Initially I was kind of sad that we couldn’t go do something more exciting – we’d been talking about going to London last year – but once we got there, I was glad we were somewhere so chill. Mostly because I found I couldn’t handle more than a couple hours of walking/sightseeing at a time, and I think a bigger trip would have felt like a waste. We were away for four days, and it felt just right. We did our best to just chill, eating, napping, exploring, and staying up late. It was a luxury, taking time for just the two of us. It’s exciting to have a baby, but I feel a little wistful thinking about the good times we’ve had as a family of two. I’m thankful that we’ve had the time we’ve had to grow and get to know each other.
What else.. I wanted to share some “deep thoughts” in this blog to keep you interested, but I don’t really have many deep thoughts as of late. I’m mostly practicing thankfulness for small things, and learning to rest in not being in control. As we get closer to labor and delivery and parenthood (!), I’ve been practicing giving my fears and worries to God. I’ve always been terrified of giving birth, but lately I notice that I’m not so scared anymore. I have no idea what the pain will be like, but I don’t want to be afraid. I’ve also been dealing with some of my fears about being a parent. Some things I’ve been working on in therapy lately are my negative associations with childhood in general. I was a pretty unhappy kid, and I think I’ve carried an aversion to young children and things having to do with childhood for most of my life. Weird things like the smell of crayons, the sound of baby toys, children’s tv programs, and baby paraphernalia in general have always filled me with a vague dread. Knowing that that will be my life for the next several years if we have more than one kid, I’ve been dreading those triggers. But I’m giving that to God, trusting that I will love my child enough to move past that. People say it’s different when it’s your own kid. Is it?? I’m curious to see. Do I sound like a totally inhuman unloving person, saying these things? Possibly. But that’s the truth. I know parenthood will jolt me out of a lot of my self-centeredness in a way that even marriage has not. Oddly enough, I’m looking forward to that experience.