Mulling over what it means that God is faithful and just to forgive my sins.
Not just faithful, because he said he would. Which is in itself enough to take to the bank.
But just. Because the consequence and cost of sin–mine and yours–has been paid in full, and God deems it unjust to charge twice.
That’s unfathomable to me. Rock solid, locked in; that’s the promise of forgiveness when we confess our sin. It seems so incredibly wrong for forgiveness to be given so freely to people so undeserving (me). But he made a promise on his own honor, and he holds himself to it. On pain of death.
Amazing grace, how distant the sound! I think I can imagine how completely transformative that truth can be to the human heart, but for me.. I’m not all there yet. I thought I was, but I’m beginning to see that there are so many layers of gravel and silt between my mind and heart, that that truth has yet to sink all the way down. I see it in the way I STILL hesitate to ask God for help, the way I STILL hide from him when I’m insecure. I should be past this by now, says the taskmaster in my head. But I continue to feel unworthy in the worst way, a Christian but a tarnished, weak, and inadequate one. My mind knows the right answers and proper positions, but my emotions and reactions betray me. Truth is first learned, but then it needs to be had.
Lord, help me see! Help me know!